Gravity
by Limegreen16
Summary: In a few months, he will be someone else's husband and who knows, maybe a father too in a year or so. Robin's POV as she tries to move on, post season 7 finale. B/R.
1. Chapter 1

**The finale was. . .let's just say it gave me mixed feelings. I'm glad Robin's the bride, but not so much about Barney proposing to Quinn. Because that would make Robin the second person Barney proposes to and come on, it's not fair. Robin is the one, the only one. How weird is it that Barney would propose to a woman he hasn't known for more than a year? I mean, I get that he's changed, but still. **

**Sorry for the rant. Please review! **

After Quinn finishes the story (and even Robin has to admit it was a sweet proposal), they decide to celebrate right there and then, opening up a bottle of champagne in the living room. Barney and Quinn sit close together on the couch, while Marshall and Lily dote over Marvin lovingly.

To keep herself busy, Robin shoots photos of the happy family, one after the other.

(She _is _happy for him. Really.)

'Robin, maybe you should take a few of the future Mr. and Mrs. Stinson,' Marshall suggests, grinning.

She nods a little queasily, and positions herself to take Barney and Quinn. And, perhaps a little unsuccessfully, she tries to smile. 'Say cheese!'

It kills her to see how happy he is with her. And she knows, damn it, she knows she has no right to feel that way anymore. She shot him down. She hurt him. She chose Kevin. But even after all these months, Robin still has no idea why she did it.

'The ring's beautiful,' she manages to say.

Quinn grins, raising her hand for a better view. 'Barney has good taste.'

'Awesome taste,' he corrects her.

When Robin's phone rings, she excuses herself, relieved to be saved by Ted.

'Where are you? It's been a big day here.'

'Um. . .yeah, about that.'

'No.'

'Yes.'

'Wow, so you guys are really riding off into the sunset?' Robin shakes her head, smiling. He did it. 'I'm so freaking proud of you, Ted.'

'All thanks to you. And, look, you were right. I was making all the excuses because I was scared of being happy, scared of screwing up the chance to finally get everything I wanted.' Robin looks across the room at Barney and Quinn, before shaking her head. 'So why's it a big day over there?'

'Hmm?'

'Big day?'

'Oh right. Barney proposed to Quinn. She said yes.'

Ted doesn't cheer, doesn't yell excitedly like she'd expected. 'Are you okay?'

'Me?' She half-laughs and half-snorts. 'Why would I be not okay? God, Ted.'

'Robin, we don't have to pretend I don't know you still have feelings for Barney. Unless you want to, of course.'

She considers further denying it, but what would be the point, really? All these months, she hasn't had anyone to talk to about Barney, determined to shove it down until she would no longer feel whatever she was feeling, to carry on as if nothing had happened. Maybe now would be a good time to come clean.

But before she can, Ted interrupts her train of thought. 'Sorry, Victoria just got back from the ladies' room, I'll call you later, bye!'

Robin feels lost, the odd-one-out in a room of couples and familes celebrating each other. When she notices that Lily, who is carrying Marvin in her arms, has been eyeing her and possibly caught her lack of real enthusiasm over the recent announcement, she decides it's time to leave.

'Hey guys, I've got to run to the office. Boss just called,' she lies, raising her phone.

Barney frowns, standing. 'But it's a Sunday. Can't you tell him to shove it?'

'I wish.' She leaves the camera on the table and says goodbye to Marvin, her new godson, possibly the cutest baby she has ever seen (and the only one she has actually liked). 'Bye, buddy. Aunt Robin will see you later, okay?'

She only makes it two flights of stairs when she hears Barney behind her, asking her to stop.

'You forgot your coat,' he says breathlessly. Her yellow coat.

'Thanks,' she says, putting it on, The silence is dull and thick, and Robin untangles her thoughts to say the right thing. 'Quinn is a lucky girl.'

He smiles. 'Well, I'm a lucky guy.'

'Then I guess it's too late for Canada now,' she says, trying not to sound as bad as she feels.

He raises an eyebrow. 'You mean Mexico.'

'No, I meant Canada. Canada has hockey and maple syrup.'

'Mexico has tequila and Salma Hayek.'

'Please. Salma Hayek has nothing on me, and you know it.'

'Yeah, I do.' he says, smiling. 'She comes pretty close though.'

She knows things with them will never be the same again, as if November hadn't changed them enough. And for awhile, she thought they could go back to being them. She hasn't seen anyone since she'd broken up with Kevin, and his relationship with Quinn had been showing signs of a premature death. This was beyond what she had expected. In a few months, he will be someone else's husband and who knows, maybe a father too in a year or so.

Robin can't keep doing this to herself. She needs to let go.

'Work's waiting,' she tells him, after a second.

'And Quinn's probably wondering why I'm taking so long.'

'She might think you'd run off to Canada.'

'The only way I'd be in Canada is if you dragged me there,' he counters. 'See you later?'

'Yeah. Later.'

But what he doesn't and will never know, she thinks as they go their separate ways, is that right now, she would go anywhere to have another chance with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Generally, it requires ten thousand drinks to get over someone, give or take a few thousand. Robin convinces herself that the rule still applies, even though she has probably had that much over the years since she and Barney broke up and here she is, at a bar, giving it another shot.

Robin, as usual, tries to reason with herself and her feelings. They got together, they broke up and they're still friends. That happens to so many other people. It happened to her and Ted, in fact.

So why is it that Barney is so different?

She knows, though, that it was never going to work with Ted. They wanted different things and they knew that. With Barney, there was a real shot at making it—was being the key word here, of course. Now, she just needs to accept it and move on.

Easier said than done, she thinks, as she orders her first drink. Scotch. It only reminds her of Barney.

Robin drinks it quickly, welcoming the burning in her throat. 'Keep them coming,' she tells Carl.

'Tough day?'

She nods. 'Tough year.'

And maybe the problem is she doesn't know where the line is wth them anymore. The line between love and hate and being just friends. Even when she could safely say they were just friends, before, during and briefly after the year she dated Ted, they were always toeing the line. Without the others (who were always too grown up for them), they'd meet up for laser tag, drink, smoke cigars and try to outdo one another collecting phone numbers, sometimes with bets and dares to make things more interesting.

(There was that night that Barney pretended to be gay and she pretended to be a lesbian. She won, by three phone numbers. He bought dinner.)

A few (maybe eighteen, maybe twenty three) drinks later, she's too drunk to even hold the glass properly. The sweet spot between a woozy head and going all-Canadian, complete with the accent and violent streak. She asks Carl to call her a cab home.

But when she gets into the cab, she finds that she's not alone. Marshall makes sure she gets in without injuries before hopping in himself,

'Why are you here?' she slurs.

'Carl called Lily.'

'I can take care of myself.'

'He said you were drunk beyond that point.'

'Hmm?'

'Do you want to talk about it?' Marshall asks kindly.

Robin shakes her head and closes her eyes to stop the world from spinning around her. 'Nothing to talk about.'

Marshall helps her out of the cab and up into her new apartment. Woozily, Robin climbs into bed and under the sheets before darkness bleeds over her completely.

XXX

The next day is even worse. She can't remember ever having a worse hangover, can barely move without her head throbbing mad. And, Barney is never far from her mind (she used to have better control didn't she?). It's hell, this is what it feels like, and she hates how sad she lets herself feel.

She decides to skip MacLaren's for the night and goes straight home determined to make herself feel better, with two pints of ice cream, chicken wings, a few cigars and some of those Ted-mushy movies she will never admit to secretly watching.

This is what she needs right now.

So night after night for two weeks, Robin gives herself space to think, to recover and hopefully even let go. On the tenth day, she feels confident enough to go on a date from a guy she met at a coffee shop, an NYPD officer named Pete. He's exactly what she needs right now. A palette cleanser.

Because Lily has been worried about her, Robin has asked Pete to meet her at MacLaren's at eight, giving her enough time to convince Lily and Marshall that she is absolutely fine, never better, just busy at work and happy for Barney.

'Hi, handsome,' she greets Marv, smiling.

Marshall holds his hands up. 'Woah, Robin, I'm flattered but very much taken.'

Lily laughs as Robin slides into the booth opposite them. Before she gets a chance to speak, Barney and Quinn walk in and suddenly she's melting, painfully conscious and awkward, days of trying to convince herself she was moving forward, gone, useless, an utter delusion. She tries to remember to smile, but surely anyone could see through it.

Barney smiles at her and she looks away, not needing another moment to haunt her. She gives up her seat for the couple, pulling herself a chair instead.

'Hey, Robin,' Quinn greets her cheefully. 'Haven't seen you in awhile.'

'I was busy with work,' she says. 'Things really picked up after the helicopter incident.'

Of course, the conversation ends up being about Barney and Quinn, their wedding, their honeymoon and everything she doesn't want to hear.

'We're thinking of a fall wedding,' Quinn says. 'Oh, and Lily, could you give us the name of your planner? From the pictures I saw, she did a great job. The flowers were so beautiful.'

Good Lord, Robin thinks. They'll never talk about anything else. She decides to get a drink, taking her time to return. It's only 7:30. She texts Pete to hurry up.

'No problem!' Clearly, Lily is more than happy to help plan a wedding. 'How about a priest? Or a harpist?'

'James' dad will preside for us,' Barney replies. 'He already agreed to it.'

'How about the honeymoon?' Marshall asks, bouncing baby Marv lightly.

'We're thinking Europe for three weeks. GNB will gladly pay for it all.'

'You guys have it all figured out, don't you,' Robin says, pursing her lips into a passable smile before drinking her beer.

Quinn smiles. 'I've dreamed about my wedding since I was a little girl.'

When Pete finally comes, Robin thanks her lucky stars for how good he looks; he's as tall as Marshall, well-built and oozing charm. Pete spots her and grins, shaking everyone's hands. Lily gives her a silent approval. When Robin steals a glance at Barney, she almost swears he looks unsettled, bothered and maybe even a little jealous.

But she pushes those thoughts out. Stupid, she tells herself, he's happily engaged. He doesn't care. She needs to stop thinking like that, like there's still a chance he feels anything for her because he doesn't, he's marrying Quinn for God's sake and she's just his ex, a friend, a bro.

'Ready?' Pete asks, holding out his arm.

Robin smiles. And this time, she doesn't even have to try too hard. He's ridiculously good-looking and it's about time she has some fun. 'Bye guys,' she says, taking his arm.

She resists the urge to look back, to see if Barney is watching. Had she done just that, she would have seen his eyes follow her out and linger at the doorway.

XXX

The date goes surprisingly better than she had hoped for, which was simply a night to forget Barney and Quinn and have some fun. Underneath his charming exterior, Pete is a good guy, smart and funny and sincere. She thinks it could be something.

(She only thought of Barney ten times during the entire dinner. That's something, right? Progress.)

'I'll call you,' he promises, dropping her off at her place.

She smiles at him. 'You do that.'

He kisses her softly goodnight, grinning. 'That's in case you turn me down for a second date.'

That night, she sleeps better than she has in a long time.

**I don't know what my life will be like, months without HIMYM, especially now that things are looking up for Barney and Robin. Please cheer me up by reviewing! I'm kidding. I've always wanted a corny line like that. But please do review. :))**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for your lovely reviews. :) It's summer where I am and I've been bored at home, so they really perk me up. I don't really have a definite plan for this story. In fact, I didn't intend for it to be multi-chapter. Any suggestions would be very welcome! **

'What do you mean you can't come?' Robin asks Pete over the phone. She is packed and ready to go, with cigars and alcohol and one of her smallest guns, just in case. Ted and Victoria had a day's headstart, so she, Pete, Barney and Quinn agreed to drive up together. 'I'm only going because you are! Tell me you're kidding.'

He sighs. 'I'm sorry. There's just a new crisis here. A bank hold-up.'

And really, what can she say to that?

'Why don't you just go ahead and I'll meet you there? A day, tops. I promise I'll make it up to you.'

'I'd rather wait for you here,' she says.

'No, no—I don't want to ruin your weekend. Go. I'll be fine. I'll see you tonight, or tomorrow, okay?'

She weighs her options. On one hand, a car ride with Barney and Quinn for who-knows-how-long. On the other, her insistence to wait might seem a little suspicious, especially to Pete, skilled as he is in reading people.

'Fine,' she relents, pulling her bag's handle up. 'I'll call you when we get there.'

'I'm really sorry, Robin.'

'It's fine. I understand. See you later.'

XXX

She knocks at Barney's door, full of dread about the whole weekend. He opens the door, smiles and lets her in. The whole place is pink. Robin blinks. The Fortress of Barnitude. She can't believe he let her get away with this—what about his whole talk about male dominance?

'Redecorating?'

Barney looks a bit embarrassed. 'Yeah. Quinn got mad and did. . .this. Anyway, she's just in the bathroom. Where's Pete?'

'He got caught up at work and said he'll catch up later.'

'Arresting hookers?'

'Managing a hold-up response team.'

'That's not as awesome.'

Quinn appears with her bag ready and Robin quickly explains about Pete. They all head down to Barney's rarely-used car and pile in. Robin sits alone at the back, already bracing herself for this unreal punishment of a road trip. Honestly, she hasn't spent much time with Barney and Quinn alone. She has no interest whatsoever knowing how they are as a couple privately, what they talk about, how affectionate they are with each other and what the dynamic is between them.

'We'll take shifts driving,' Quinn says. 'I can take the second, Robin can take the third.'

Barney laughs. 'Robin can't drive.'

'What? I can too,' she retorts.

'I meant I won't let you, because sometimes you get really Canadian. . .'

'When have I ever—'

'That time the guy on the motorcycle swerved and almost hit the car, you rolled down the window, sweared in Canadian—'

'Barney, it's not a language.'

'Oh, it is. You would have pulled your gun out on him if I hadn't hidden it in my pocket while you were out threatening him. That's just one of many incidents, may I remind you.'

She frowns. 'So it was you who took my gun! And I thought I left it at some guy's apartment.'

'Is it a small, black gun about the size of my hand?' Quinn asks.

'Yeah. Why?'

'I saw it while I was changing everything at the apartment to pink. It was in a box with a few CD's labeled 'Let's Go to the Mall' and 'Sandcastles in the Sand',' Quinn explains. 'I figured it was porn. Well-kept porn.'

Robin tries to gauge Quinn's tone. It doesn't seem like she knows what those are. It doesn't sound like she found a box full of things about fiance's ex-girlfriend. In fact, now that she thinks of it, she has no idea whether Quinn knows about her and Barney; they've never mentioned it, she's never brought it up.

She meets Barney's eye looking at her through the rearview mirror and at once, Robin realizes that he's asking her not to say anything.

If she did know, things wouldn't change. Would they?

Barney clears his throat. 'Yeahp. Just porn. You caught me! Sorry, I must have forgotten to give the gun back, Robin.'

She says nothing more and is determined to get through this road trip as stoically as possible. And she's good at that, hiding her emotions, stopping them from surfacing. Too skilled for her own good sometimes, she thinks.

XXX

It's already dark when they arrive. Barney shakes her awake gently as Quinn retrieves their stuff from the back. She gets up sleepily, picks her bags up and follows Quinn into the lobby while Barney hands the keys over for valet parking.

'Ted and Victoria are getting a couples massage,' Barney tells them, reading a text. 'So, what do you guys want to do?'

Robin stifles a yawn. 'I think I'll just unpack and stay in, order some room service. I'm willing to bet Ted and Victoria have planned a full day for tomorrow.'

Barney, still reading the text, makes a face. 'Ugh. . .You don't want to know our itenerary is. Trust me.'

Quinn agrees with Robin. 'I think room service sounds good,' she tells Barney, smiling. She tugs at his tie and they murmur things to each other Robin's thankful she doesn't understand, turning away to check herself in at the front desk.

There's a message from Pete on her phone, saying nobody was hurt and he'll drive up the next day. She takes her keys and hauls her bags up the stairs, leaving Barney and Quinn to have some time together alone.

Once up, Robin takes her boots off and lies on the bed silently, letting the whole world sink into her, trying to empty her mind. It's been a tiring few weeks at work and out. Robin needs to let go, she knows that. She deserves to be happy. It's just been tough accepting that she won't find that with Barney—maybe they were doomed from the start, who knows—because as hard as it is to admit, she can't deny she always thought he would be there for her at the end of the day. When they finally figure it all out. When her career is where she's always wanted it, when everyone else has settled down—she always thought, maybe they could finally get their timing straight.

In her mind, they were going to be legendary. All she had to do was wait.

**Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, they all troop down for breakfast. The dining hall is bright and spacious, with a beautiful garden visible through the French doors. Robin blinks, her eyes adjusting.

Absent-mindedly, she takes a plate and goes for the pancakes, and then loads up on maple syrup. She throws in some bacon and eggs as well, before finding some orange juice at the drinks table.

'Good morning, folks,' Ted greets cheerfully, as he and Victoria sit down with their full plates. At least someone's happy. 'We slept very well, thanks for asking.'

'The massage really worked out my knots,' Victoria adds.

'Oh yeah.'

From the way they're looking at each other, Robin's not sure they're still talking about massages. She takes out a small flask of alcohol from her purse and pours some into her orange juice. Barney is looking at her, his eyes sky blue in the light.

'You want some?'

She pours some into his juice when he nods. 'Thanks.'

'There's more where that came from.'

She doesn't quite catch his quick smile.

Quinn is the last to come with her plate and sits next to Barney. 'So, Ted, Victoria, what are we doing today?'

Victoria takes out a map for everyone to see. 'There's a trail from here to here we can hike. The sunset's apparently breathtaking. Then, once we get back, we can get massages, hang out by the hot tub or rest up before dinner. There's a local steakhouse recommended by my chef friend.'

Ted grins. 'It's going to be awesome.'

'Hiking, the whole day?' Barney clarifies. 'That wouldn't be very good for my suit.'

'Why would anyone wear a suit going hiking?' Quinn asks.

'Exactly.'

'I've trekked through forests before. Once, my dad left me in the Canadian wilderness for three days with just a knife so I could learn to fend for myself.' She gets weird looks from everyone. 'My point is, it's nothing special. You get used to it.'

Barney nods. 'See? Can't we just spend the whole day here, just chilling out? Robin's got cigars.'

'And scotch,' she adds.

'And scotch.'

'Guys, come on. We're supposed to be in this together,' Ted says.

'Well, I think it sounds fun.' Quinn looks at Barney pointedly, smiling. 'I'm in.'

'What?'

'If you just wanted to drink the whole weekend, we could have done that at home. But since we're here, we might as well.'

Barney hesitates. 'I didn't bring "hiking clothes", whatever those are.'

'You could borrow my clothes. I brought extra.'

He shoots Ted a look.

'Hey, don't blame the Boy Scout.'

'Sorry, Ted. Pete's going to be here by noon, so I'll just wait for him here,' Robin says, sweeping a cut of her pancakes across the syrup. 'Mhmm. This is really good!'

For a second, she thinks Barney's going to insist and stay with her, which would be extremely stupid of him to do, she thinks. But then he looks at Quinn and reluctantly agrees, shooting Ted a look when she goes back to the buffet table.

XXX

They leave an hour after breakfast. Robin remembers to take a picture of Barney miserable in a pair of jeans, a hoodie and sneakers, wasting no time to send it to Lily and Marshall. Then she changes into her bathing suit and sneaks into the hot tub with a nice, relaxing cigar, glad that nobody's around to disturb her.

This is actually turning into a nice day.

Her phone rings. It's Pete. 'Hello?'

'Just so you know, I'm getting into my car right now. There's a bit of traffic though.'

'It's fine. The rest of the guys went hiking. I'll be here all day.'

'Why didn't you go?'

'I didn't feel lke it.'

'Well, okay. I'll see you in a few hours. Bye.'

XXX

Half an hour later, Robin's still at the hot tub alone, her eyes closed and covered with a towel, when suddenly she feels a shadow over her face. Frowning, she takes the towel off slowly.

'Pete? You weren't—' She stops. 'Barney. What happened?'

His jeans are muddy and a few leaves are sticking to his hair and shirt. She laughs, takes another picture with her phone.

'Quinn sent me back. I was whining too much.'

'What are you doing?' she asks, as he starts taking his shoes off.

He discards his clothes quickly until he's only in his underwear, grinning. 'Getting in!'

She moves her legs so they don't touch. 'Barney, I don't think that's a good idea. It's a small hot tub.'

'So?'

'So, you're engaged.'

He just stares at her.

'Unless she doesn't care that her fiance is in a hot tub with his ex?' she asks pointedly.

'Quinn doesn't know about us,' he admits. 'Not that I've been keeping it from her. It's just. . .I don't know how to say it all. And I don't know how she'll react.'

'But she doesn't have anything to worry about, right? We're just friends now,' she says, measuring his reaction. He looks at her, and somehow, something is telling her he didn't truly expect her to say that. 'We're past all of that.'

'Right.'

She pauses, trying to steel conviction into her voice.' I'm happy for you.'

He nods. 'I know.'

'And Quinn's. . .you're perfect for each other. Marshall says so.'

He doesn't affirm it, like she had thought he would. There is at least this small drop of satisfaction.

'She's given up a lot for me,' he says slowly. 'Her apartment, her stuff, her job. I don't deserve it. I'll try to, but I don't yet.'

Meanwhile, she thinks, she gave _him_ up. Is that what he's trying to say?

She must be imagining things.

The silence stretches on for a few more seconds. Robin thinks of giving up and heading back to her room, no matter how much she wants to stay even for this awkwardness.

Suddenly, Barney reaches for his hoodie and pulls out a bottle of beer.

'How did that fit in there?' she asks, laughing against her will.

'Magic.'

'No such thing.'

After taking a swig, he offers it to her and they exchange, cigar for beer, beer for cigar. He grins. She rolls her eyes before giving in, mirroring his expression, settling with comfort on the fact that they aren't doing anything wrong. Just two friends hanging out.

**Please review! Suggestions are very welcome, as I'm taking this chapter by chapter and have absolutely no idea what will be coming up next. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

They spend two hours talking non-stop, a slice of time that, for sanity's sake, Robin labels as two friends hanging out. And it does feel like old times.

Robin raises her right hand from under the water and stares at her wrinkly fingers. She looks at Barney, who does the same thing and frowns.

'I think it's about time we get out,' she says.

'Is there anything else to do in this place?'

'Eat? I'm pretty hungry.'

'What—we just ate a buffet breakfast three hours ago—'

'I only had two pancakes!'

'No, you got four, soaked them in maple syrup and ate them with a ton of eggs and bacon. Then you went back for sausages and more pancakes. How in the world can you be hungry already?'

His detailed accuracy is disconcerting; he realizes it a moment too late. To make up for it, he clears his throat and says, 'Ted said the steak's to die for. I've been wanting to try it all day.'

They agree to shower and get dressed before meeting up for lunch. As Robin pulls herself up, she is conscious of his eyes on her. Her stomach ties itself in knots.

XXX

Fresh from a nice shower, Robin steps out, distracted and consumed by thoughts she has tried hard to push away. Flashes of him, words that keep coming back to her. Surely, he hadn't come back to spend time with her, she tells herself. Barney simply hates hiking.

(But if he loves Quinn as much as he seems to, that shouldn't have mattered. Didn't he follow her all the way to Canada?)

Fuck. Scherbatsky, pull yourself together, she tells herself.

She isn't nearly as good at being unaffected as people think. Sometimes, she wishes they were right.

XXX

Barney has sent her a text saying he's waiting at the dining hall.

Robin makes her way down, exiting the elevator, when she suddenly spots a familiar figure at the entrance. It's Pete, in a cap and carrying an overnight bag. He hasn't seen her yet. She feels an immediate disappointment at his timing, hesitates before approaching him with a big smile as he sweeps her into a hug.

'Where's everyone?'

'Hiking. Except Barney. He's at the dining hall. You're just in time for lunch,' she adds with cheer (at least, it's supposed to be).

'Why didn't you guys go hiking?'

'He hates hiking. I wanted to stay back and wait for you.' She smiles. 'Let's eat.'

He takes her hand affectionately. 'I'm starving,' he replies.

As they walk into the dining hall, the smell of a hearty meal ahead of them, Robin can't help but worry about Barney's reaction despite the fact that he shouldn't have one. She spots him immediately at the right side, busy playing games on his new iPad. It's a table for two with the best view in the hall.

'Hey, man,' Pete greets him as they draw near. Barney looks up, confused, then glances at her briefly. The look on his face reminds her of November, the night she showed up with Kevin in tow, and it kills her to see it.

'Pete just got here. I ran into him at the lobby,' she explains wanly.

'I see.'

'Is that the iPad 3?' Pete asks, looking at it intently.

Barney shuts it off. 'Yeah. It's not really called that though.'

'The retina display looks great.'

'It is.'

Pete drops his bag on the floor and moves to grab a chair from the nearest table. But Barney stands to stop him.

'No, I'll give you guys some time alone,' he tells Pete with a small smile. 'I don't want to be the third wheel.'

'You wouldn't be,' Robin interjects. She apologizes silently, asking him to stay, hoping he understands.

He shakes his head. 'It's fine. I'll just order room service while waiting for Quinn.'

Pete frowns. 'Sure? Like Robin said, it's fine.'

'Yeah. No problem.' He ventures a tiny glance at her. 'I think we're all having dinner together later anyway.'

'Okay. Thanks, man.' Pete claps his hand over Barney's shoulder as he leaves. He doesn't look back at her. 'That was nice of him.'

'Yeah, it was.'

'How was your morning?' he asks, his eyes startingly green in the light. They sit down and flip the menus open.

'Boring. I'm hungry. Let's order.'

Robin feels bad for lying so much. She doesn't have an appetite anymore, in fact, and suddenly the smell of steak from the next table is making her nauseous.

The simple truth is that she's tired of trying to hold back, of controlling her thoughts, of censoring everything in fear of losing control. It's no use pretending that she isn't still desperately in love with him. There it is. Out and clear. And maybe it's pathetic and she's probably wrong, but her gut tells her it isn't over for him either.

For the first time in months, Robin lets go of the reins.

(Why is everything so complicated, she wonders. Why can't the facts speak for themselves? Why can't she stop thinking about him, even after all this time and effort? What else can she do? What is Barney thinking?)

And most of all, Robin thinks about how different things would be now if she hadn't run away from him.

Maybe they'd be here together, happy and stable and everything they weren't the first time around. They would excuse themselves from hiking to spend the entire day together, stock up on the essentials and hole up in their room. No need for much clothes, even. Just each other. The thought relaxes her. She reads the menu blankly and nothing registers.

'Robin, your order?' Pete asks, motioning to the waiter.

'Um. . .I'll have what he's having,' she says quickly. The waiter nods and leaves.

'Robin, are you okay? You seem distracted.'

'Sorry. I was thinking about work. We're having a spring special this week and I've been trying to come up with segments.'

He smiles warmly. 'I'm sure you'll be great, as always.'

After lunch, for which she is largely absent though she tries hard to concentrate, Pete confesses he's exhausted and wants to take a nap. An hour of mindless television passes before Robin slips out quietly in a subtle search for Barney. The first place she heads to is the bar. And there he is.

It's not like she's stealing him away from Quinn. She wouldn't. But she's tired of the game. She's thirty years old and it's time she starts being straight with herself and him.

'One scotch,' she informs the bartender as she slides next to him.

'Where's Pete?'

'Asleep.' She pauses. 'Barney, I need to ask you something.'

He shrugs. 'Okay.'

The bartender fills her order up and moves on to another customer at the opposite side. He shifts his attention to her. She clears her throat, gathering her courage.

'Hypothetically,' she starts tentatively. 'What if—_ what if_, I said that I haven't stopped thinking about you, not once in years, not even when I was dating other people and not even after November, what would you say?'

She watches the confusion turn into understanding on his features, evolving into a small smile which she recognizes as one that belongs to her, one that he uses only with her and she smiles too, the relief overwhelming her, until his expression changes into one that breaks her heart.

He is giving her the same look she gave him only a few hours ago. One of apology.

Barney opens his mouth, but she already knows what he is about to say. That he is engaged. That it isn't fair to Quinn, for him to propose and take it back so soon just because she has finally confessed her feelings. That her timing sucks.

'Don't,' she tells him. 'Don't say it. It's fine.'

'Robin, I—'

'It was just hypothetical, Barney.' She smiles ironically. 'I'll see you later for dinner when they get back. Pete might be up from his nap already.'

Robin leaves before he can say anything else. She feels as though the seconds have slowed down, as though details are both sharper and duller, her senses narrowing, her mind racing after him.

At least, she consoles herself, at least there's closure now.

**My favorite chapter to write so far. Poor Robin. Finally taking the leap, only to have bad timing. Suggestions are very much welcome, thank you! **


	6. Chapter 6

So the weekend passed without much more drama. Robin will forever remember it as one of the most painstaking ones she has ever had—everything she did from that afternoon on was deliberate. She swore she wouldn't let herself get carried away again by feelings and impulses. Everything she did afterwards—going to dinner stoically, making an effort with Pete, trying not to dwell on things—she did so fully aware and conscious.

XXX

She sees, though, that Barney and Quinn seem to be less themselves than usual.

Perhaps it's just her, wanting Barney to feel as lost as she did (does). But then again, they aren't as sickeningly sweet, not as touchy, and there's a subtle irony in their tone when they speak to each other. And the other day, she'd overheard Barney complaining about an argument they had had over living arrangements to Ted—something about Quinn wanting a nice house for their future family, not an apartment as small as his. He stopped talking about it as soon as he saw her.

Not that she should care anymore. She shouldn't—Barney and Quinn are a normal couple and they're allowed a rough patch. It won't change anything. And even if they do break up, she has enough pride to think she won't just fall back into him so easily.

'We were just talking about furniture,' he said. She met his eyes and looked away quickly, unable to face him and feel nothing, turning to Ted instead. There was a glimmer of hurt she caught briefly.

'So how are you and Victoria?'

And the awkwardness was somehow alleviated by Ted's multitude of stories of how happy he was with Victoria, and for once, Robin listened. She had to listen. And when Pete came to pick her up for their date, she still couldn't bear to look at him.

XXX

She spends her days studiously avoiding MacLaren's. Out of sight, out of mind. That's the idea, anyway.

What she doesn't know is that Barney goes every day without fail hoping to catch her there, hoping to explain himself and talk to her.

It's not long before it hits her she can't go on with Pete. It's clear he feels more for her than she does for him and it isn't going to change, that he's ready to take the next step in their relationship and she isn't. It's just not the right time for her. And it's not fair, she knows, to keep him around because she likes his company and doesn't want to be alone.

But with each day that passes, Robin is more convinced that she has to end things soon, for both their sakes'.

One night as they're having dinner, he beats her to it.

They've just finished a nice meal and are eating dessert. He leans forward a little, biting his lip.

'Robin, I really like you,' he says gently. 'Really. But let's face the facts here. We're not going anywhere and I'm not the guy for you. You've known for some quite time. You can't tell me that's not true.'

Robin feels an overwhelming gush of surprise and relief coursing through her. 'I'm sorry.' She's terrible at this, without words to say. So she tries to be honest. 'You're a really good guy. It just—I don't know, it doesn't quite fit. It's not something I can point out.'

He nods. 'I don't blame you. Don't be sorry.'

'I hope we can still be friends.'

'Of course.'

What is wrong with her? He's one of the better guys she's dated along with Kevin. They are guys she didn't deserve, guys who were perfect but not perfect for her.

'And I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I know there's another reason why we didn't work.'

She raises her eyebrow. 'Which is?'

'Barney.'

'Pete, I didn't—'

He waves it off. 'No, I'm not saying you cheated on me—'

'I didn't,' she insists. He nods, accepting her answer.

'And I believe you. I'm just saying that it's pretty obvious there's some sort of thing between you guys. All those looks he gave you, and me. And I can't really explain it, maybe it'sa cop thing, but you're different around him too.'

She only shakes her head, forcing a smile. 'You're wrong there. There's nothing between us.'

'But you guys have a history, don't you?'

'Well, yeah, but it was a long time ago. We dated for like six months a few years ago.'

'Misleadingly simple.'

'Relapsed last November.'

'What happened then?'

'We were both with other people. It just happened. He left his girlfriend, and I was supposed to leave my boyfriend. But I didn't.' Surprisingly, she doesn't mind talking about this now, not to Pete. It's refreshing to be able to talk about it to someone who has no previous knowledge about her and Barney, who won't pass it on to someone she knows.

'Why didn't you?'

She shrugs. 'I guess I panicked. I overanalyzed things—the guy I was with, he was a really good one and with him, there was a clean slate.'

He grins. 'Like me? Poor us. We didn't stand a chance. And poor Barney!'

'Poor Barney is engaged now,' she reminds him.

'Poor Barney is still in love with you.'

'How could you say that?'

'Robin, I'm a guy. And a cop. Barney's not unreadable.'

'Well, believe me, he's moved on.' She doesn't want to tell him about that weekend she confessed she still loved him. But maybe it's only fair to tell the truth, right? That's what people say, anyway. 'I told him how I felt a few weeks ago. I know it was wrong, I'm sorry, but I wasn't thinking straight.'

He doesn't skip a beat. 'During the weekend we went out of town?'

'How'd you know?' she asks, frowning.

'You guys were acting different, quieter, during dinner. After that, you never went back to the bar. That was when things clicked in ym head.' He pauses for a few seconds. 'You know, it's different when you know you couldn't have done anything. I couldn't have changed how you felt about Barney even if I tried.'

'Neither can I, and I've tried everything.'

When the cheque comes, she reaches to pay for her half, but he stops her, eyebrows crinkled and smiling.

'Did you really think I would let you pay?' he asks jokingly, before giving his card.

It's a bittersweet goodbye. 'I really am going to miss you.'

'So will I.' He turns serious, shifting a little in his seat. 'Robin, do you know how I became a cop?'

'No, I don't,' she answers, wondering what the connection is.

There's a change in his expression, a sudden darkness crossing over his eyes. She looks at him and realizes what he is about to say is something that isn't practiced, something that still hurts.

' When I was in college, my best friend was a girl I'd known and loved since high school,' he starts. His voice is quiet and reflective and a little sad, too, she thinks. 'But I was dirt poor then and I wanted to wait until I had made something of myself to tell her how I felt. One night, she was with some of her girlfriends at a convenience store when it was held up. But the cops, they made things worse, made the guys who were robbing the store panic and start shooting. She was shot trying to help an injured kid. That one night changed my life.'

Pete doesn't need to say explicitly that what he's telling her is not to give up on Barney. But there's nothing to cling to anymore. It's too late and the window has passed, and that's something he doesn't understand.

Outside, he calls her a cab, saying he'll walk home to clear his head. They have their last kiss. As she ducks into the cab, she takes one fleeting look at him, filled with a heaviness that it had to end. Maybe a few years ago she would have celebrated this return to freedom. But things have changed and so has she, and she has never felt more alone and lost.

**Reviews please? This was a fun chapter to write. I've been busy lately, sorry for the late update. **


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